her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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