i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
This toilet bowl is my home.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
