Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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