last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
