remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
