This is not my ceiling
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
