It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
