I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
