Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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