First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
