Will you blow on my dice?
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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