Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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