i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
