Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
