don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
