He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
