I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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