I'm sorry my penis didn't work
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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