please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
