oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
