There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
