She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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