It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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