there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
