I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
