I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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