the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
