This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
