my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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