Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
