so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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