69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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