I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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