I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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