Umm I'm too high to move.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
