You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
