the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
