That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Congratulations! We have a period
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
