I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
