is your mom at the bar?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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