yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
