Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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