the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She announced her abortion via fbk
if only i could text you this smell
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
