dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
