I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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