She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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