He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
