I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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