Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
