god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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