I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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