go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
