i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
there is glitter all over my balls
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